OBAMA and the UNspeech Simplified

Fellow Dictators and Despots I'm finally here with my peeps. Numero OOOOHNO. I'm here to deal. It's all about ME and how I'm going to bring those evil Americans kicking and screaming to their economic knees and then hand them over to you. This past 9 months have been pure Hell and they are not coming willingly believe me.

I can't continue my apology tour cause it looks bad but I will bring them around. Let's be honest we are all Militant Muslims here and we've got to stop shooting each other. I've taken a taxpayer paid vacation around the Muslim World and tried to convince you guys not to ruin our great deal here. In the past 9 months I have freed your locals and stopped those barbarians of the backward Christian nation I live off of to show you I am one of you. I want some Quid Pro Quo.

Afganistan, Pakistan,Iraq man up. We've been your police and now we're pulling out. I need the military money to spend before I am voted out in 2011.

We know we are not maintaining our nukes and they are a hazard in disrepair so we all have to save face and decide to denuke. At least we do. We'll make me look good to the Liberals in my country.

I am trying to give Israel back to the Hamas.

We're still funneling huge dollars down the phoney climate change crapper.

We're still funneling billions to you guys in food and money so you can continue starving your people and selling the food at triple it's value.

We paid the unpaid UN rent and did I say we are antinuke?

But still the World is going to Hell in a handbasket. Why?

Well I blame you all. I am doing my part as surpreme dictator of the USA.

We need to become the strongest alliance of street gangs of the world and stop fighting amongst ourselves. It makes me look bad. We got to stop aiming at each other and aim them at our people and keep them in line blood.

You got to keep the automatics out of the hands of your nutjobs. They aren't needed no more.

We are going to divide Israel and give half to the Hamas.

I'm still going to push this bogus climate change thing to get money for us.

Even though I've bankrupted my people I'm going to get you all money for your pressing needs to keep your starving people from overthrowing you. We got to keep the idiots happy if we want to keep our positions of dictator.

But let it be known. I am not giving up any of my power, so don't even think about it.

I will keep handing out patriotic blah blah and pep my people to do my will. You have to do the same. We can continue to run this world together and plunder her spoils or I can isolate the wealthest nation in the world brothers and plunder just for me. You choose.

OB out Peace Brother.